


cloaks and roses

by 5sputnik5



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: M/M, in which sneaky is emotionally inept and meteos is too hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9054481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5sputnik5/pseuds/5sputnik5
Summary: meteos' recount of the start to the end of his and sneaky's romance





	

Meteos remembered all of it. Every detail of his and Sneaky’s romance, all in crystal clear HD. Every touch, every word, every look- it was all seared into his memory. It was all he could think about. The events of the past year leading up to today, October 25, 2016, were stuck on replay in his mind, like some broken tape that was manufactured just to torment him. Even during the brief moments he could focus on the present, every action he did sent him back to the past, Maybe if I had done this instead of this, Perhaps I should’ve said that instead, Maybe Sneaky would still be in my arms if—

He felt hopeless. They only dated for a few months, if even that, and Meteos was still young, he could get over it, he would get over it. But now, right now as he sat at his desk waiting for his queue to pop, staring at the timer as it ticked, he clung to the past. Sneaky had moved on, he could hear it in his voice during his streams. It may have been hard to pick up on if you didn’t know him well enough, but Meteos could tell the small changes Sneaky’s voice made in accordance to his emotions. He could tell when Sneaky was trying to cover up his feelings, it's definitely not what he was doing now. He knew his ex could put on a scarily realistic persona when he wanted to, but he learned to see through it during their relationship- even before any romance became involved.

Needless to say, it didn't make Meteos feel any better knowing he was the only one still pining. Sneaky had left him hurting; he had left Meteos as stereotypically heartbroken as it gets. The icing on the depression cake, though, was that he was never told why. It drove him insane. Constantly pondering what he could've done to drive his lover away, it tore at him endlessly.  
\---  
He recalled the beginning, the white walls of the LCS studio where they kissed when nobody was looking. Their relationship had been on a steady incline leading up to the kiss, to the point where Sneaky would be the first person Meteos thought about in the morning, to the point where Meteos was the first person Sneaky talked to about his day when the sun had gone down. Up to the point where one felt slightly lost if they were not around the other. He had to consistently remind himself that they were not, in fact, a couple, not yet anyways. He knew romantic feelings had begun to grow in his heart for Sneaky, but he hadn't taken it too seriously. He had been less worried about labels, (although, it would have been nice to call Sneaky his boyfriend), and more worried about just enjoying the other's company.

The one thing Meteos did not remember, however, was whether or not his teammates were oblivious to this. His attention, if it were not on League of Legends, chances were it was on Sneaky. The young ADC had taken up most of his thoughts, and Meteos didn’t think much of it. He knew the feeling was reciprocated, and back then, Sneaky's opinion was the only opinion that had mattered to him.

The surprise, and then confusion, and then the warmth in his chest had come in quick succession when he saw Sneaky waiting for him just behind the stage. He wasn’t sure what to think at first, the rest of the team had gone back to the team room when Meteos was taken aside for his post-match interview. He was certain, though, that the warmth in Sneaky’s eyes had almost made him stagger. There was a small smile on his red lips, the lips that taunted him, ‘Kiss me, why dontcha?’ He returned his gaze to Sneaky’s striking blue eyes, in an effort to quell his instincts—this would prove futile in just a moment, but he didn’t know that.

It had clicked, then, that Sneaky had waited for him specifically, to greet him alone once he had walked off the stage. Why? It wasn’t as if there was any special satisfaction from seeing him live; they lived together, worked together. The team might be worried about his whereabouts. He dismissed that last notion almost as soon as it formed in his mind, they were all adults, they could handle themselves. It was the next words Sneaky had spoken, though, that had caused all reason in Meteos’ conscience to go awry;

“You looked nice out there.” Such simple words, with such a simple meaning, with a plethora of convoluted undertones beneath it. At least, that’s what Meteos had assumed, because with the intensity of the affection in Sneaky’s gaze compared to the words he spoke; he clearly meant more than he was willing to spell out. He felt uncertain of what to do, so he let his instinct take over. He remembered thinking to himself, ‘I’m going to potentially ruin this entire relationship with this next move,’ before he kissed Sneaky. Right there, merely a wall between them and the thousands of fans watching, a scene that could have ruined his career if the cameras caught sight of it—

But he had done it. Lips to lips, the crowd completely blocked out, just the two of them. Meteos was certain at least someone had seen them. But no word had gotten out, so that’ll be a mystery to him. He only considered this after, though. In the moment, he was far more concerned with Sneaky kissing him back, his arms wrapped around Meteos’ waist. He cut the kiss short, coming back to his senses. Sneaky had taken a quick step backwards as well, a slightly dazed expression on his face, his lips parted. He looked into Meteos’ eyes, and he looked right back into Sneaky’s, and Sneaky giggled. He giggled in every sense of the word, with every connotation that came with it. Meteos almost felt worried for a moment, maybe he had broken Sneaky, it was just so out of character of him to giggle, of all things.

"We should head back," Sneaky said with a playful tone in his voice. He was smiling. Meteos wasn't sure if he actually wanted to head back to the team room, or if he was saying that as an excuse to go somewhere private so they could kiss some more. Sneaky tended to stray away from straightforwardness when it came to what he wanted romantically, which Meteos would soon learn. But in that moment, his mind hadn't fully recovered from the kiss.

He settled on an easy "Okay," and let Sneaky lead him from the backstage, their destination a guessing game. He was a little disappointed when they approached their door. He wanted to stay behind and make out with Sneaky for a while longer. His wish was granted almost right after he had thought it, however, because Sneaky turned around and kissed him right there. Meteos hugged Sneaky close, wanting to feel all of him before they had to return to just being teammates again. The kiss was sloppy and deep, their tongues dancing together in a flurry of lust. Sneaky broke off the kiss when Meteos moaned, gently pushing him away. Meteos let out a low whine at the loss of contact, but he knew the walls were fairly thin. He looked left and right down the hallway, making sure they weren't seen, before turning to Sneaky.

"Let's go in."  
~  
Meteos’ queue popped. He had been staring at the timer, but he had not processed its meaning, how much time had actually passed. He didn’t care much. He was getting a game, maybe a 35 minute distraction from his failed romance. Meteos just knew it was long enough for him to consider getting another beer. His alcohol intake had increased as their relationship had slowly fallen apart, and he wasn't proud of it. Two cans had already piled on his computer desk from the past hour. He briefly wondered what was considered alcoholism, but he didn’t feel too inclined to deepen his sadness. He was already a little drunk. He didn't exactly feel like embarrassing himself in-game as well. He accepted the AFK check, moving his mouse lethargically, barely making it before the timer expired.

The regret was near immediate. He wished the only thing to be upset about was being autofilled to support, but no, life just wanted him to have zero peace of mind. Sneaky was on his team. He had gotten his role, as he usually does. The lethargy had disappeared when he typed into the chat, ‘can I jungle pls’, before the timer had even started. No response. He was third pick, the jungler was first. He waited for the 15 seconds to pass. Still no response. Sneaky had said nothing, either. As a last ditch effort, he typed ‘???’ into the chat. God, he did not want to lane with Sneaky. He should have queued up on his smurf. Why did he not just queue up on his smurf? He wanted a distraction, not this--this was a second kind of torture. The jungler still wasn’t responding. Or rather, his only response was instalocking Rek’Sai.

Meteos considered dodging, but he didn’t want Sneaky to even have an idea of how he felt. He didn’t want Sneaky to know he was avoiding him. He won’t even know it was you who dodged. he tried to reason with himself. Even if he did know, you dodging isn't letting him know how you feel at all. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He sighed. He knew he was being petty, he knew this was childish—but he still couldn’t bring himself to click that tiny 'x' in the top right corner of his client.

Instead, he locked in Morgana when his turn to lock in came. He wasn't the best on the champion, but his mind wasn't clear enough to consider who would be the best pick in the scenario.

Meteos opened up Sneaky’s stream. He figured he would be live at this time, the clock was nearing midnight. He was always quite the night owl. Meteos still had Sneaky’s stream link bookmarked. He had willed himself to remove it several times, but never followed through. It would feel like ripping an arrow out of a still bleeding wound. He knew it was unhealthy, still clinging to something not there, but he wasn’t strong enough yet.

He wondered if he ever would be.

Meteos' heart jumped at Sneaky's voice when the stream finally loaded. It had been a while since he had heard his voice, he realized. Only a few days had gone by since they had broken up. Since Sneaky dumped you. He had to pause and take a deep breath, so as not to submit to his want of more alcohol in response to the intruding thought.  
Meteos had been avoiding Sneaky ever since he terminated the relationship. He knew Sneaky never tweeted much, but Meteos had mostly boycotted Twitter. 

He stared at Sneaky's face-cam as the rest of his team picked in the background. He was saying something, but Meteos wasn't listening. Or rather, he was listening, but not to the words he was speaking. He was listening to the sound of his voice; the subtle ups and downs as he spoke certain words, his cute laugh that Meteos loved even if Sneaky was embarrassed about it, just drowning in the familiarity of it. He didn't try to stop the bittersweet smile from forming on his face as he admired Sneaky. 

The colorful, fast paced movement of the AD Carry's chat caught his eye. Unsurprisingly, it was flooded with chants of 'CALL METEOS' and 'DUO METEOS'. His heart panged. He wanted to speak to Sneaky so badly, to hear him in real time. Yet, at the same time, he very much didn't. He feared speaking to Sneaky would break his heart all over again. He had to move on, and he knew watching him stream was not helping his case at all.  
\---

“I feel like I should be calling you William.”  
The statement had grabbed Meteos’ attention as hespoke the first syllable of his name. It had sent a shiver up his spine, but he tried to conceal it. He wasn’t used to hearing his real name spoken aloud, he had become to accustomed to his screen name. C9 Meteos had become his identity.

He looked down at Sneaky, who was laying on top of him, with his head on Meteos’ chest. Meteos was running his hand slowly through Sneaky’s soft, blonde hair, the way he liked, even if Sneaky never outright said it. He had spent the night in his room, quietly slipping in somewhere around one or two in the morning, so none of the other members would see him. He had expected it; he would even go as far to say he was waiting for him, purposely staying up later than he usually would, just to see his boyfriend. They had done this in the past, nearly every night since Meteos first moved back into the house. It was routine at this point.

It must have been somewhere around 8am, because the sun never shone through his window at the angle it was, perfectly shining on his face, except for in the mornings. Normally this would piss him off, but how could he be upset with his lover in his arms? He felt untouchable when they were together. Meteos didn't even have to worry about his teammates barging in on them, he knew they would be sleeping in as well.  
“Why do you say that?” He asked.  
“That’s what couples do. They call each other by their names, no?" Meteos could feel him smiling against his chest.

“They’ll start asking questions. Unless you want to come out.” He wasn’t sure who exactly he was referring to by ‘they’, but he figured Sneaky knew what he meant. It was too early to think much about word choice.

They hadn’t exactly discussed whether or not they wanted their relationship to go public. Keeping it private seemed the best way to go for both of them. Sneaky was always extremely reserved as well, that much Meteos had picked up on during the first few months of knowing each other. If you ever asked him for an emotional response, Sneaky never questioned, or seemed bothered by, Meteos’ lack of PDA. Only when they were completely alone did they kiss or touch or do anything even remotely romantic. It seemed easier that way, even if they longed for the touch of the other when they were without privacy for extended periods of time. It was normal for them, it was how they worked.

“Well, can’t have that,” came the curt answer. He snuggled his face deeper into his chest, Meteos took the gesture as a sign that he didn't want to talk. Meteos worried for a moment if he was too dismissive. He felt frustrated at himself then. He shouldn't have been so serious, Sneaky was probably just poking fun. He didn't want to end the exchange on a bad note.

“I mean, you can call me that in private. If you want,” he tried to mend.  
Sneaky huffed.

“I love you,” was his muffled reply.

Meteos was taken aback for a moment. He wasn't sure if Sneaky had actually said what he heard. What had he done to make Sneaky say something so...intimate? Meteos already knew Sneaky more or less shied away from expressing his feelings through words. In fact, Sneaky was just a little awkward in the talking department overall. He was definitely an 'actions speak louder than words' person; Meteos suspected Sneaky often times spoke in memes to compensate for this fact. He never minded, though. It was just one of his quirks that he loved him for.

He never could have predicted that Sneaky would be the first to say those three words. It seemed so out of place, so uncharacteristic of Sneaky. But perhaps this was Sneaky opening up to him, just a little. Meteos was more than willing to wait for Sneaky to become more comfortable around him, this was probably just the start. It made him so excited, so giddy, just thinking about the future of their relationship. He had to be honest with himself, however. While Sneaky's 'I love you' seemed sincere, he wondered if it was actually love. They had only been a couple for a few months; was that long enough to be able to love someone? Meteos knew he tossed around the word liberally in his mind, but he didn't know if what he felt was really love. All he knew was that Sneaky had a special place in his heart, and he could only assume the feeling was mutual.

Sneaky shifted his leg against Meteos'. It broke him from his thoughts, he realized he hadn't said anything back to him while his mind had been racing. 

"I-I love you, too." He stuttered out. Sneaky didn't make any reply. Meteos wasn't sure what to think. He trailed his fingers from Sneaky's hair to the back of his neck, rubbing light circles into his skin, a small gesture of affection. An unspoken attempt at an apology. He decided to push it to the back of his mind for now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted. They just lay there together, not another word spoken, for the next hour. 

They had sex for the first time that night.

It was one of the few memories that was fuzzy to Meteos. It had been a night of blind lust and raw feeling, just the two of them in Sneaky's room, right after the team had gotten back home from from a long day. He didn't recall either of them locking the door, or whether or not they had been loud enough for anyone else to hear. He did remember waking up with bruises. His neck, arms, wrists- they were riddled across his skin. Sneaky was equally marked across his body. They hadn't had any alone time for most of the day, and they had lost their set versus Team Liquid; everyone was reasonably frustrated. Meteos figured they had been a little rough to compensate. Sneaky didn't seem to mind. In fact, Meteos was certain that Sneaky really enjoyed bottoming. But he knew him well enough to know that he would never admit it out loud.

Meteos could live with that.  
~  
1/13/10 was Meteos' KDA by the end of the game. For the most part, he had let Sneaky carry him through the laning phase, he certainly wasn't sober enough to play to his full potential on his own. Sneaky had gotten a double kill early on his Caitlyn, and the lane snowballed from there. It had been going well so far, but Meteos knew he wasn't fully focused at all. This proved a recipe for disaster around the mid-game, where he had a lot of unnecessary deaths, essentially tossing their lead to the enemy. They had won it in the end, but he still felt embarrassed at his play.

Sneaky hadn't said anything to him the entire game. It was the elephant in Meteos' mind, so-to-speak. He knew better than to be optimistic, but at this point he had already downed another can of Budweiser. Having a clear train of thought wasn't exactly possible. So, he sat at his desk, staring at the C9 Sneaky in the post game lobby, a beacon among his other team members' names. It had crossed his mind momentarily, 'Hey, maybe you should say something to him,' but he disregarded the notion without much consideration. He refused to give Sneaky any implication that Meteos missed him. Even though he wouldn't be able to tell you why he was so determined to stick to this rule if you asked him, he was far too stubborn to deviate from it.

And still, he waited, silently prayed, that Sneaky would say something, anything to him.  
It didn't happen. His name turned gray after a few moments, signifying he had left the lobby. Meteos' heart sank, but he saw it coming. He felt heat creep up his neck in embarrassment. He was running on false hope at this point, and that only ever led to disappointment. He knew that well enough.

Exiting the lobby after Sneaky, Meteos wasn't sure what to do now. He had lost any motivation to play another match, so that was out of the question. He eventually settled on opening World of Warcraft. Perhaps it wasn't the calmest game to play, but to be fair, he would accept any alternative to League at this point. He decided to leave the client open in the background, should anyone message him- no, he certainly wasn't hoping for a certain Sneaky.

Sneaky. Sneaky. The name sounded so far away in his mind, so dulled, like an overused blade its owner never maintained. Never cared to maintain. This confused Meteos, because he put so much effort, spent so much time trying to keep their romance alive and well. It had crossed his mind once or twice, that hey, maybe it hadn't in fact been his own fault. Maybe Sneaky just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. He'd never fully comprehended that, however. For whatever reason, it just didn't make sense to him. Why would he just throw away something that was so good? The only possibility that made sense was Meteos did something to upset him.

He opened up Sneaky's stream again. He wasn't entirely aware of what he was doing. Or maybe he was, and just didn't care enough to do anything about it. Who knew. He just wanted to hear his ex's voice one more time. Except, he told himself that last time, didn't he, and the time before that. However this time, he really regretted giving in to his wants. The bittersweet love that usually filled his heart whenever he tuned in to the stream was nonexistent, because he caught two words that shattered his heart all over again:

'My girlfriend.'

That certainly grabbed his attention. He quickly rolled the stream back a few seconds to catch the full sentence. Sneaky was answering a donation question, something about whether or not he enjoyed a game Meteos hadn't heard of. His response was, "No, but my girlfriend likes that game." Meteos stared at the screen in disbelief, letting the stream continue a few seconds behind.

His first thought had been, 'He's lying.' Sneaky had to be lying. It wasn't that he was dating a girl, he had already outed himself as bisexual to Meteos, but that he was dating a girl so soon. They had broken up hardly a week ago, for God's sake. How could he have moved on so quickly? Had they already been dating towards the end of his relationship with Meteos? The finale of their liaison hadn't been pretty at all. He hated to think it, but he wouldn't at all put it past Sneaky to cheat on him. 

Shutting off his monitors, Meteos stood. He donned a dark hoodie that had been hanging from the back of his chair and some tennis shoes, foregoing any socks. It'd probably be too dark for anyone to see him. Meteos could tell when he was about to lose his temper. It felt like the fire of uncontrollable, combustible anger with each inhale and cold, hopeless dread of despair with the following exhale. It was the way he feared the ugly concoction of his emotions would spill out with every breath, and how the bile would rise to his throat at the thought of telling anyone how he felt inside. 

But for Meteos, the worst of it was when the flood of poisonous memories and feelings he had chained, muffled, and locked to the back of his mind would spill loose. They would drench his thoughts until they had all drowned and everything unpleasant remained. It made him feel sick how powerless he was to control his own thoughts, despite however hard he tried to focus on what was real and present and tangible. None of this was new to him. He knew he did dumb things, said dumb things when he lost his temper. His only solution was to just remove himself from the situation. And he did. 

He didn't know where he was walking, but the night was calm and quiet and empty, which is what Meteos needed. The fresh air immediately soothed his temper the moment he stepped out the door. Not entirely, but it was a start. The jingle of his house keys in his pocket was the only sound the empty streets harbored, along with his footsteps. Meteos was focused on everything but the real world, though. He was entirely lost in thought, almost unaware of anything around him. He realized he would've been the perfect target for a hit-and-run, but he didn't care enough to do anything about it.  
He thought about Sneaky. It was refreshing to think about such a raw wound and not wince, for once. He was so used to his heart dropping whenever his name crossed his mind, but it was a relief to have a somewhat clear mind now. 

 

\---

Sneaky's breakdown had come out of the blue. It was the first time he had seen Sneaky cry, and it chilled his bones. Seeing such raw emotion on his face was unnatural. He was normally an expert in wearing masks and building walls. To see him break meant something was very wrong.

He remembered being led to Sneaky’s room as soon as they had returned home from their scrim set. His quiet ‘Lock the door, please,’ had barely reached his ears. He did it without question, a small part of him expecting sex. However, something in Sneaky’s voice was different. He sounded upset. He was turned away from Meteos, though, his face hidden. That was one of Sneaky’s tells, Meteos knew. Hiding his face when he was distressed. This worried him. [maybe change this last sentence??]

“Sneaky? What’s wrong?” he asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Sneaky flinched at the touch, but he didn’t move away. Instead, he turned around and hugged Meteos. He wrapped his arms around Sneaky in return, and that’s when the tears fell. He sobbed into Meteos’ shirt quietly, gripping it tightly. All Meteos could do was pat his back and whisper reassuring nothings into his ear. 

“Do you want to sit down?” he offered. Sneaky nodded, unlooping his arms from Meteos’ body. They sat on the edge of Sneaky’s bed, not a word said between either. Meteos figured it was what Sneaky needed, a moment to calm down. His sobs had stopped after a minute or two, relief flitting through him. Sneaky took Meteos’ hand and laced their fingers together, and God, Meteos wanted to kiss him right then. But he knew it wasn’t the time. Probably.

He settled at just looking at him. Sneaky was staring at something or nothing in his lap. Meteos assumed he was still trying to hide his face. He could see his cheeks were slightly red. The detail brought back a memory; they had been left alone for but a moment at the LCS studio after their match. He had stolen a kiss from Sneaky in the small time alone they had, and he had blushed way more than was usual for him. Meteos commented on it, calling him cute when his cheeks were red. Sneaky didn’t take kindly to it. 

It confused him. Why was Sneaky so afraid to be human? Emotions were beautiful, they painted worlds and moved mountains. They weren’t meant to be concealed all the time. And yet, on the flip side, seeing Sneaky’s true feelings when he so often hid them felt like such a prize. Seeing something so rare made it twice as beautiful.

Sneaky still hadn’t spoken. He seemed to have regained his composure, at least somewhat, so Meteos broke the silence.

“Do you want to talk about something?” Maybe not the best icebreaker, but it was all he could think of. Sneaky’s grip on his hand tightened. Meteos feared for a moment he said something wrong.

“I...it’s just…”, came Sneaky’s small voice. It was clear he was struggling for words. He shifted his legs uncomfortably.

“It’s just…” he tried again, but this time his voice cracked as he spoke the last word. He withdrew his hand from Meteos’ and buried his face in it, his other hand gripping the bedsheets with white knuckles. It broke his heart to see Sneaky so distressed, but at the same time he was enthralled. [i need to add another sentence here but...donno what]

He shook the thought from his head. Sneaky had begun sobbing quietly again. Meteos wrapped his arms around him, hoping he brought him at least some feeling of safety. Sneaky leaned into Meteos’ body as his sobs became stronger.

“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” he soothed. He didn’t think his words actually helped, but he was still unsure of what to say. Apparently those were the wrong words, though. Sneaky began apologizing profusely through his tears. The repeated I’m Sorrys were muffled through his hands and almost intelligible, and Meteos had no clue what he was apologizing for. If there was an idea in the back of his mind, he ignored it.

They stayed like that for a while, the only sounds in the room coming from Sneaky crying. Meteos hadn’t even noticed he stopped, until Sneaky’s tired voice cut through the air.

“I love you so much, Meteos.” He sniffed. “I love you so much, it’s overwhelming sometimes. And I’m sorry I don’t—” 

He paused when his voice cracked. For a moment Meteos thought he was going to begin crying again, but Sneaky pressed on.

“I’m sorry I can’t be better for you.”

Meteos wanted to immediately object, but he caught himself. He could tell he was getting upset, and he didn’t want to raise his voice with Sneaky in such a fragile state. He took a moment to gather his thoughts.

“Sneaky, you’re perfect to me, okay? You don’t have to apologize for anything.” There was so much more he wanted to say, but he couldn’t translate his feelings into words. He just wanted to kiss Sneaky and hold him and never let him go.

Sneaky was silent. His hands rested in his lap now, but he still hadn’t looked at Meteos. He freed Sneaky from his embrace and turned, sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing the other boy.

“Sneaky? Look at me.” 

He glanced at Meteos from the corner of his eye, and moved to mirror his position. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say his breath was taken away when he saw Sneaky’s face. His cheeks were flushed a deep red, and he could see the pale streaks where his tears has fallen. He peered up at Meteos with eyes that were just barely tinged red, and he was frowning slightly. He looked absolutely and utterly vulnerable. It was captivating. Seeing him so defenseless made his heart race, and for a moment he feared Sneaky could hear it thudding.

You are so fucked up to be turned on by this, he chided himself. He couldn’t bring himself to care, though. Right now he just wanted to ravish Sneaky, wanted to feel him squirm and whine beneath him. Sneaky knew Meteos loved hearing him moan, and would always try to make as little noise as possible when they had sex. Meteos knew, however, that Sneaky only did this just so Meteos would touch him more. It was a game of cat and mouse they played.

Now, though, he wondered how easy it would be to hear Sneaky’s voice. The thought made him beyond excited. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed by feeling; mainly those of love and lust. Only Sneaky ever made him feel so passionate about anything, it made his heart swell. 

He realized he had been staring into Sneaky’s pale blue eyes. He held Meteos’ gaze steadily, but it faltered after a few moments. Meteos lifted a hand to his cheek before he could turn away. He flinched at the touch, and that hurt Meteos a little. Did Sneaky think he was going to hurt him? 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked. Normally he wouldn’t ask, but he didn’t want to see Sneaky flinch away from him again.

Sneaky gently placed his hand over Meteos’ and let his eyes close. He nodded.

Meteos leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Sneaky’s lips. They were salty from tears, but he ignored it. It felt so good to kiss Sneaky right now. He just wanted to drown in him.

He gently pushed Sneaky backwards so that he was lying on his back, Meteos on top of him, deepening the kiss.

“I love you so damn much, Sneaky.” he said, breaking the kiss. They were both panting, and Meteos couldn’t help but notice Sneaky’s dilated pupils. The erection in his pants seemed tighter all of a sudden.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said softly. Sneaky only pulled Meteos back down for another kiss.

They let the night pass in a flurry of heat and touch and feeling.

The next day, Sneaky was distant. Short responses, not returning Meteos’ small affections, it felt like he was somewhere else when Meteos spoke to him. He didn’t think much of it, he figured Sneaky was just trying to build up the walls that had ungraciously collapsed the night before. Even if it did scratch his heart a little, Sneaky still not trusting him as much as he’d like, Meteos tried not to let it bother him.

Over the next few days, he gave Sneaky some space. He let him initiate sex, instead of the other way around, how it usually was. He kept conversations short and light-hearted unless Sneaky wanted to continue them or tread into more serious topics. He tried not to touch him as much as he used to, not wanting to impede on his personal space. Sneaky seemed content. On the fourth day, though, he began to worry. Or rather, he’d been worrying since the night Sneaky fell apart in his arms, but now the worry had taken over most of his thoughts. His performance was beginning to falter, he could tell, even if his teammates would dance around the fact. 

Sneaky was losing interest in him. He could deny it no longer. Their conversations, if you could call it that, were curt and shallow. Meaningless ‘how are you?’s and quiet compliments were the only words they exchanged. Even then, Meteos was the only one putting effort into trying to talk to him. Sneaky had stopped coming into his room at night on the sixth day. After growing so used to the warmth of his body in the mornings, waking up cold to an empty spot where Sneaky would usually be had shattered him. Meteos avoided Sneaky for the rest of the day. 

The next and final day, Meteos confronted him. It looked like Sneaky had been about to start streaming when he had come in and asked to talk. He had agreed with a puzzled expression. Meteos didn’t exactly feel comfortable anymore sitting on Sneaky’s bed, so he just stood by the door, hardly remembering to shut it before he spoke. He had rehearsed the words so many times in his mind they flowed out as smooth as silk.

“Sneaky, do you wanna be in this relationship or not?”, he said tiredly. Sneaky blinked and didn’t say anything for a moment. He gazed straight at Meteos, which was more than he had expected in all honesty.

“What?”, was all Sneaky was able to say. Meteos ran a hand through his hair irritably, suppressing an eyeroll. He had been through this song and dance many times before. He knew Sneaky had heard him and understood the question perfectly. Frankly, he was growing sick of it; sick of Sneaky always beating around the bush. However he didn’t want to lose his calm. Instead, he tried again.

“Why have you been so distant lately?”, Meteos questioned, a little stern this time. He was sick of playing games. He heard Sneaky sigh and glance away. He said nothing.

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong?”, he pushed. “Why can’t you ever just talk to me?”

He could see Sneaky beginning to look uncomfortable. He was slouching in his chair now, twiddling his thumbs, avoiding Meteos’ gaze. Meteos thought looked like an embarrassed child being scolded, and the idea almost made him smirk, but he kept his bearing. Sneaky spoke again, this time he having a semblance of an answer.

“Listen, it’s just hard, okay? I can’t just…” He trailed off. He wasn’t looking directly at Meteos anymore. He was shifting uncomfortably in his chair, trying to fidget subtly, but Meteos saw through it.

“You can’t what? Sneaky, please. Just talk to me.” Meteos moved closer to Sneaky, but he shot him a quick look that begged him not to come any closer. It stung, but he didn’t let it show.

“Talking is what’s hard for me, okay?”, he blurted. The regret on his face appeared immediately after the words left his mouth. He sighed and continued calmly, “You know that. It just doesn’t come easy to me. It makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and...It’s just hard.” he explained. Meteos didn’t make a reply, silently urging him to continue. 

“I just thought...it would be easiest to just let it fade away. Let us fade away. I thought you would take the hint,” he ended quietly. 

“Are you serious? Are you fucking serious? I gave my heart to you, Sneaky. You don’t get to just leave it out to dry. It’s not fucking fair. Love isn’t a game you can just drop out whenever you want.” Meteos took a breath. He realized he raised his voice without meaning to, but he wasn’t going to apologize. He was angry at how lightly Sneaky was taking this. Angry that Sneaky couldn’t even be nice enough to let him down with words. Over and over, he had to dance around the facts. 

Meteos continued again, softer this time.

“At the very least, you could have told me you wanted to break up. Do you know how much it hurts to realize you’ve just been strung along the whole time? I loved you, Sneaky.” He paused. “I thought you loved me too.” 

There was a long silence. Sneaky stared at his hands in his lap. Meteos wanted to think that he felt shameful, or any semblance of guilt, but he honestly couldn’t say what ran through his mind anymore. For a while, Meteos just stared at him. A part of him didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want their relationship to be over. He didn’t want to be the one to truly end it. In hindsight, maybe hoping Sneaky of all people would finalize things wasn’t the smartest, but he supposed love was never logical in the first place.

Sneaky spoke first, to Meteos’ surprise.

“So, are we over?”, was all he said. His words sounded unusually emotionless, and it sent a chill up Meteos’ spine. He figured he had hurt Sneaky’s feelings, and he wanted to feel bad, but he brushed it off. Sneaky deserved to feel just as bad as he did, even if a simple wound to his pride barely scratched the pain Meteos endured.

“I guess we are,” Meteos responded solemnly. Without a second look, he left the room.

~~~

Meteos was hurting. Keeping his thoughts off Sneaky was near impossible. Often times he still felt the ghost of Sneaky’s touch, or he would hear his voice where there would be silence. He began to fear sleep, for his dreams would only be filled with his memories of them together. After several days of the non-stop trauma, he considered seeing a doctor. However he absolutely did not want to explain that this was all because of a breakup. He tried to use that excuse as some form of solace. It was just a simple breakup; there was nothing to be this upset over. It didn’t work very well, but he kept it in his mind nonetheless.

He still loved Sneaky, he knew that much, and the loneliness he felt was rooted deep in his heart. It felt unbearable at times. Yet, he only had one regret, not asking why. He had considered texting Sneaky to ask him what had changed about their seemingly perfect relationship, but he willed himself not to each time the thought crossed his mind. He knew he had to let it go.

He doubted Sneaky would give him a straight answer anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> billion thank yous and hugs to sleepy for betaing this for me ! happy holidays everyone and thank you for reading!


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